Is It Really JUST Pain?

I'm going to be honest with you: I'm angry. 

Some people might say that's just negativity, bad energy that has no place in this world. Some might say that I am in pain today because of that anger. But anger, like pain, has it's place in the world. It tells us when something isn't right. When your body is in pain, it is trying to tell you something.  That's the function of pain. Our bodies respond to this pain by sending out naturally occurring endogenous opioids. Without pain, how else would we know when to seek help? 

Pain exists to let us know that something isn't right. When I speak with anyone who is having new or worsening pain, it scares me to hear them say that they will just ignore it. Pain is just pain, right? 

Wrong.

If there's one thing that I've learned over the last 15 years living with chronic pelvic pain, it is to trust my body. There are people out there who are trying to sell the idea that we can rise above our pain; that the pain we feel arises from some kind of negative energy, or personality fault. They want you to believe that you can completely think your way out of your pain; that it is somehow healthier to get in touch with that pain; that living with and getting in touch with your pain will somehow heal you. 

Now, as someone who has dabbled with alternative methods of pain management, like acupuncture, meditation, and yoga, I can tell you that those methods absolutely help me handle my pain, especially when combined with other forms of pain management. There are ways of focusing on your breath that can help you get into a calm, relaxed state of mind, and it can become easier to live through the pain. 

But severe pain should never be ignored. 

Last week, after two months of just dealing with my kidney pain, I peed blood. Not just trace amounts of blood...I'm talking real, red blood. As soon as I saw that blood, I knew it was time to stop pushing through my pain and go to the emergency room. It's a damn good thing I did. 

I had a kidney stone in my ureter, and my right kidney was swollen. With a history of retroperitoneal fibrosis, there is a concern that my stone might not pass by itself, and might cause a blockage. The past two days have been some of the most painful days I have ever experienced. On Saturday night, I took a pain pill before collapsing on the floor on the way to the bathroom, screeching in pain. My pain pitched, and pitched, and pitched, rather than getting better. Barely able to breathe, I sat in child's pose and just screamed. 

And then I stopped. My breathing calmed. My pain began to get just a little duller. My pain medication finally kicked in.

I've been peeing blood ever since. 

Pain is not something to be ignored. Pain does not reach a certain point and go no higher (which is why a 1-10 pain scale is all relative). Experiencing severe pain without relief can bring about harmful affects on  many systems of the body. Vomiting, increased heart rate and blood pressure, urinary retention, muscle spasm, fatigue, anxiety, and disorientation can all result from unrelieved severe pain. On top of that, ignoring severe pain can ultimately lead to chronic pain. 

Pain is there to tell you something is wrong. It is OK to seek relief for your pain in whatever way works best for you. You do not, and should not, need to suffer through this. And you most certainly should not be told that your pain originates from some emotional imbalance, or that your pain will go away if you just love yourself more, or get in touch with your womanhood.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.

More Ribbon Flowers

The flomax really got the kidney stone moving, which meant I spent another day stuck at home. Between pain attacks, I made some more flowers. I'm making them into headbands and posting them on my Etsy shop. I also plan to make hair clips and pins. What do you think? Head over to the side bar and let me know with the poll. Until next time, enjoy some eye candy! :)



Tutorial: Ribbon Flowers

Ribbon Flowers!

I've been passing a kidney stone for about a week and a half and it is getting really intense. It has been in the same spot for four days and I can't seem to concentrate on anything. The one thing I did manage to do was add some ribbon flowers to Jel's organizer.

(these are cell phone picture, sorry!) I thought these would be a great surprise and add some place to put hair clips and whatnot. You can clip the hair clips to the vine or the petals. Cute?? Today I went to the emergency room because my stone hadn't moved and I was worried about a blockage. Luckily I don't have one, but I do have a small infection and my liver is functioning higher than normal, so I have to check back in with my doctor later in the week. To keep my mind off things, I made some more flowers...some for myself and some to put as new headbands in my Etsy shop, since I'm moving away from plushies. Here's a tutorial so you can make your own too!

Here's what you'll need:

ribbon

thread

needle

embellishment for center

scissors

candle

lighter

Cut your petal pieces and decide one a center embellishment.

If you want, you can add green leaves as well. Cut your ribbons at a length you like (you can make all kinds of sizes). I just eyeballed mine.  

Heat seal the ends of your ribbons so they don't fray. Simple hold the edges near, but not in the flame until the end melts slightly. This will dry quickly and act as a glue.  

All sealed! 

Start with your leaves. Fold your ends into the middle and thread your needles through.

Next add your petals. Here's a better description of how to fold the ribbon. Connect the ends and pinch them together with your fingers. 

Flatten your loop so you have two loops.

Thread your needle through the center, ends side first. 

Continue threading as many petals as you like.

Once you're satisfied with the petals, you can add your center.

I chose a sparkly embellishment that I could sew on.

Sew your embellishment in the center. 

Secure your embellishment several times.

Tie your thread.

And you're done!

They're super cute on their own, or you can secure them to a headband. 

I secured mine onto a piece of ribbon. 

Just a few stitches! 

Tie the thread and you have a very floral headband. :) 

Like my fashionable IV bandage? This was a fun project that I could do without concentrating much, which is exactly what I needed...something to distract me but that I couldn't mess up if I suddenly got bad pain. What do you think? I'm going to be adding some items to my shop based on these. Do you think you'll give them a try or do you have similar projects of your own?

Did I Give Birth To My Cat Or Is This Just The Craziest Coincidence Ever?



See this beautiful cat? She's been attached to me since we adopted her in December. She always waits for me at bedtime, sitting right beside my pillow, then climbs onto my chest so I can't see the computer and makes herself at home. Sometimes she even crawls under the covers with me. My boyfriend complains that she isn't like that with him, and I argue that she loves him, she just loves sitting on me more. She loves to be near me, like a little baby likes to be held by its mommy. She only wakes me up in the morning, either by pawing me in the head or headbutting my face.

 Oh...and she's been peeing blood all over my carpets since we moved into the townhouse. A month and a half ago.

See, I couldn't understand why I was so drawn to her, even on the shelter's website. The minute I saw her, I knew we had to have her. I begged my boyfriend until he agreed to go see her, then I saw her scared, shivering body, afraid of the shelter and desperately wanting to be safe and loved (quite the opposite of our other cat, who was quite happy wherever she was as long as she was fed). I couldn't explain why I felt so attached. So bonded. I found out today.

My cat has kidney stones. Yep, in the plural sense. More than one! She is me in cat form! The treatment is to raise her uric acid content (JUST LIKE ME!!!)........or an (estimated) $800 surgery.

Poor kitty! She stopped peeing blood for a while so we figured she was better. But she kept peeing everywhere. One day I came home and caught her trying to go, so I chased her away from her favorite peeing area yelling, "You're not even SICK anymore!!!" At which point, she peed a ton of blood all over the floor. Ok...I got the message. "Mommy, I AM sick! You should know how this feels, you bitch!"

Can anyone explain how we found each other? She's going to cost us a lot of money to care for, but this is a sign. I am her mommy!

(Sorry everyone...just needed to laugh about this recent turn in events. Hope you were entertained a little.)