Quick Update....I still hate needles.

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That's right! Stay away, needles, or I will have to send Stitch after you!

It has been three days since my injection and I am experiencing a "typical allergic reaction" to the steroid, according to the orthopedist, who I called this morning in a panic when I realized I had three of the "call your doctor if" symptoms. Last night I got an overwhelming, sudden, breath-taking, pulsating pain at the injection site that ran up my spine, to my head, and I've had a headache every since. It also came along with some nausea. I, of course, Googled my symptoms and convinced myself that I was experiencing a "spinal headache" which is caused by leaking spinal fluid, which eventually causes the cushioning in the brain to lessen, thus giving you a pain in your head. When I woke up this morning it was worse, accompanied by chills and hot flashes, so I called out sick and then called the doctor. He was very nonchalant, explaining that it is a very typical reaction causing flushing in the face, hot flashes and nausea, and to simply take Benadryl and it should clear up in a week. 

Easy for him to say. He hasn't been struggling to stay employed for a year! A week on Benadryl and I might as well quit my job, since I'll be sleeping through it! Low and behold, however, the Benadryl totally works, although I am running a very low-grade fever, which is also typical. I should have known, since I am allergic to a steroid (hopefully they didn't use that particular one on me...I hope they checked, because it was on the list of possible options). 

Thank goodness for my understanding employer...she was very nice about it. I still have this panicking voice in the back of my head saying she's just being nice and might fire me anyway, so I'm going to try to go in tomorrow despite the headache and nausea (which I'm sure with a little non-drowsy Dramamine and Tylenol should be manageable). I'm totally paranoid and afraid to trust now, which my one-time therapist pointed out is completely natural but totally irrational... I canceled my appointments with her...realized I didn't need her, I just needed steady employment. I think I just need some time to recover from all the unexpectedness. My job as a nanny is really stable and laid-back, and I find myself really enjoying it. I think I made the right decision, because I can already feel myself being in a better mood....at least most of the time.

Most of the time not including post-injection-allergic-reaction-headaches-and-hot-flashes.

And no, I haven't touched my new sewing machine yet. One thing at a time. :)

D-Day...or should I say N-Day....the day of the Needles!

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Yes, plural...needles. 5 in total...if you can believe it. Two for numbing (I think) and three for the contrast and steroids. And strangely, I am ready to go back and get it done on the other side because my right side feels great, but now my left side still feels awful. So, shall I begin my tale?

Article explaining lumbar epidural steroid injections for low back pain and sciatica

The above link will give you all the nitty-gritty, and medically accurate, information about the procedure I had today. I will give you the more entertaining, and personally accurate, account of how mine went. I was so freaking terrified for it, but luckily I survived without even crying! I did, however, make the machines' alarms beep because of my ridiculously fast heart rate...and that was after an Adavan.

So I left work early and my boyfriend drove me over to the clinic, which, btw the way, was not nearly as clean, nor as friendly staffed, as my orthopedist's main office. Did not help my fears. Nor did the receptionist who answered personal calls, nor the nurses going in to look at a new x-ray machine and not knowing what the hell to do with it. Increased anxiety, ACTIVATE!

I was literally shaking at this point, but my pain this past week has been bad enough that I have been limping, not sleeping at night, and having horrible pain even after a night's sleep. I was ready for relief. It took a good 35 minutes to be called into my little room, where I was told to undress except for socks and a bra (which I find weird, since there's an x-ray machine, but whatever), and a johnny and  robe. They took my vitals (pressure a little high, but my heart rate was about 115/minute....not good!). The nurse thankfully offered an adavan to cure the nerves (totally didn't take effect fast enough though), and waited to be called in for the procedure.

When the time came, a technician/nurse brought me into the room with a table and a big x-ray machine and had me lie on my stomach, bare-ass up. The orthopedist came in and disinfected me, at which point the other nurse started commenting on my heart rate and asked if I was nervous....um...yes!! So she gave me a stress ball. Thank goodness! That thing got used. I caught a glimpse of the computer with my hip bones displayed and quickly hid my face in my pillow. The doctor got right to work, giving me two "bee stings" (numbing shots, I assume, which felt like acupuncture and made my back spasm...perhaps some Qi escaping???) then "a big pinch." I got three of those "big pinches" which felt more like little burning knives (tried to think of it as acupuncture, the pain is only temporary). Unfortunately, unlike acupuncture, the pain did not subside. Three needles were inserted, then moved to the right place, then injected with the steroid, then taken out. Each of those felt like stinging, burning pressure, and I felt sorry for giving little shouts and yelps into my pillow....though I know I was totally warranted, but I still apologized. I squeezed my purple ball and hid my face and tried to breathe through the pain. And within three minutes...we were done. Apparently my back likes to bleed, so they had to put a lot of pressure on the spots (again, a little ouchie), and then covered my spots with band aids.

The doctor left immediately, and I didn't think of any questions to ask until after I left, but luckily I will see him again in two weeks to talk about how it went. I wish he had told me what each needle was doing and where it was going, but I think he also did the right thing by just getting through it as quickly as possible. Once it was all over, the nurses helped me sit up and get robed again, and led me back to my little room. As soon as I sat down I felt dizzy, then nauseous, then downright sick, so I laid down on the bed for a while until I felt well enough to eat my crackers and drink my juice. About 20 minutes of sitting, eating crackers, taking vitals (heart rate down to 99 by then, and pressure slightly lower too), the doctor came in to examine me and told me to see him in two weeks. Then I could leave. I couldn't feel much of a difference at first, but as I walked to the car, I could tell that my left hip was really painful, but my right hip only had very slight pain as I swung my leg forward. By now....uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

My left hip/leg is in a lot of pain, probably feeling worse because of the juxtaposition to my now-feeling-pretty-good right side. I have an ache going down my left leg on the back and the hip itself is killing me. I am definately getting the procedure done on that side eventually too. Even if it did really hurt. I'm getting a little achy in my lower back, where the injections entered, and here's the thing that weirds me out. What I felt were needles going into the right hand side of my lower back, where my pain originates, my tailbone, and the lower part of my spine. When I went to look for the band aids, they were all lined up down my spine near the curve of my back. I am SO glad I didn't see the size of the needles that were able to enter through my spine and reach my hip! YUCK!

Day one of recovery....I've had a glass of wine, a Cadbury egg, some Chinese food, and an ice pack. I imagine this is how my weekend will continue. No sewing this week. But hopefully I will be feeling up for it by next weekend. Hope everyone is staying busy with projects...while I'm sitting lame in bed, why not share what you are working on?? 

Needles, more needles, and blood. Oh, and fear.

Let me preface this by saying that I hate needles, to the point (pun!) where even though getting my blood taken doesn't hurt, I get nauseous at the mention of getting it done. And as far as blood, combined with needles, I once vomited because a nurse took my IV out and some blood came with it. Instantaneous reaction. I recently had a fainting spell when my cat was in the animal ER and the doctor told me that they had to extract her urine because there was blood in it. Literally. I don't even know how that happened, but I was faint for a good 30 minutes.

I've gotten that same reaction several other times in the doctor's office. Once when a doctor examined my very infected ear drum (they said that was normal though), and once when I was told about my endometriosis. Not sure if that was about the diagnosis, or the mention of using IVF by the time I turn 30. Regardless, I do have a bad track record for random fainting spells.

I am going to guess that at my next doctor's appointment, I will faint.

So, I reinjured my back on Monday. I saw my doctor on Wednesday and she gave me a referral to an orthopedist. I saw him Friday, and had a very interesting visit. First, he didn't like to let me finish my sentences before asking me another question (which is understandable, as I have a lot to say, but it is all VERY important!). Next, after an exam, he said it seemed like I didn't have any nerve damage, but probably had a disk injury. Oh, until he saw my MRI, which was clear. Hm. Puzzled? Not this guy. He says that the issue probably has something to do with my high school SI joint/hip injury and that I should have injections.

Ah, yes. An injection in my hip. My third worst medical fear (all of which have one thing in common, and it isn't needles). See, I love doctors. I love knowing what is wrong with me. My first instinct is to go to the doctor. And I don't mind diagnostic tests. I've had x-rays, bone scans, CTs, MRIs, ultrasounds, blood tests........but none of those hurt. This.....this will hurt. And probably more than the last thing I had done by a doctor that hurt. And he promised it would just be uncomfortable. Well, Dr. Curly Hair who works in the ER and was on Boston Medical, it DID hurt. You shoved a flu swab so far up my nose that the pain was unbearable and made me have a massive nose bleed.

I'm fine until things hurt. Then my fear level spikes so high I have panic attacks at the mention of the...whatever. And it isn't like I'm not used to pain. Back problems, kidney stones, cysts, endo...they all hurt. But those are all a force of nature that I don't agree to and which are totally unavoidable. When I have control over it, that seems to be when I can't handle it. Not sure why.....

Which is why agreeing to this injection is such a big step. I was told I could have injections in my hips when I was in high school, and I was way too scared back then, and reasoned away that it wasn't affecting my life enough (except that I had to give up dancing, which is a totally different, very long winded entry). My hip problems made me a much more reserved person. I don't dance, jump, ice skate or do any kind of winter activity. But that's fine. I don't need to do those things.

But I DO need to work. And now my back problems are affecting my ability to work. So....injections it is.

My acupuncturist agreed with me that the injection is only going to mask the pain that helps to alert us to a problem. Unfortunately, I need that pain to go away for a while. Acupuncture this weekend was....well, painful. So far is hasn't been a pleasant experience, but it never really hurt. This time, it did. The acupuncturist I got this time is also an MD, which made me feel better. She and the supervisor (because I use the students, since it isn't covered by my insurance) said that my right side was reacting to "something" and that the muscles clearly showed it. They also said I had a small spot of pooled blood in my back that indicated stagnation that needed to be released. Great.

So we began with the usual needles in my back, a couple in my feet and hands. Then, and this was the best part since she pantsed me to be able to do it, she stuck a needle in my butt cheek. And it HURT! It was like an electrical shock and went all over the area. This happens to be where my sciatica is, so either she hit the nerve or there really was a great stagnation of Qi. Either way, ouch! And that wasn't even the worst of it.

Next, she asked if I was ready...yeah, sure, why not?! Stab me in the back and bleed me! Which is exactly what she did. Three sharp needles stabs, the third of which really hurt, and then a little glass cup, like Jackie Chan uses in new Karate Kid, and a long suction devise (I would never know this, except that my boyfriend was there and told me...I never look at anything they do during acupuncture because I am so scared...I shook during my entire first appointment). It felt tingly, like putting your hand against the vacuum hose, and I guess they only took out like five drops of blood. Afterward I felt great, but a few hours later...oooooh boy.

I needed ice. I am now more sore where she took my blood out than I am where I pulled my muscle. And this is why I am now scared out of my wits to get the injection. All she did was prick my skin. The orthopedist is going to stick a great big needle all the way into my hip and inject a steroid and a pain medication into it. They may need to sedate me. For their own sake. I'm not kidding.

Good luck doctors, that's all I have to say.

*insert favorite expletive here*



Photo courtesy of download-free-movies-games.blogspot.com



I wish that I could fix myself like Wall-e and just sit in the sun for a while.

I threw my back out. Again. On my first day as a nanny. And not even doing anything important. I lifted the little boy just fine. It wasn't that. It was so stupid. Just an everyday movement. Argh. So I've been sitting at home this week, recovering. Spent Monday afternoon in the ER...same as the first time, couldn't move my legs or sit up on my own. Luckily, this time I am healing much faster, and should be returning to work on Monday. The family I work for is being extremely understanding, which is a big relief.

The bad news is...I went to an orthopedist and now have to have an injection of steroids and pain medication directly into my hip. Something I have been against since I first had a back injury in high school. Which, by the way, this orthopedist thinks may have contributed to my current problem, since I don't have any disk problems and the pain is originating in the back of my hip area. I am absolutely, 100% terrified for this injection. But at this point, the biggest concern is that I need to work, and in order to work, I need these episodes to stop. So I will have this stupid injection. Even if I cry and embarrass myself in front of doctors and nurses alike. I mean, maybe it will prepare me for having an epidural someday. I guess that's a silver lining. Sort of.

I'm also going to start seeing someone to talk about everything that has been going on. It's gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can handle all of this bad luck by myself anymore. And as much as I enjoy blogging, it doesn't really help to divulge all my fears and anxieties on the internet. I've been avoiding it lately, which I think means I need to talk to someone. And so I gave in and agreed to see a therapist in my doctor's office. I honestly think what will really help me feel happy and myself again will be fix my back and have stable work, but I guess talking to someone about this whole year wouldn't hurt either. 

And you know, watching Disney movies always helps just a little too. Especially accompanied by my giant Stitch.

I carried him through the Magic Kingdom that night and got stares from everyone, especially jealous little kids. He makes me happy. :)